“The Holy Habit of Serving: Listen”
Rev’d. Tanya Stormo Rasmussen
The Congregational Church of Hollis, U.C.C.
9 May, 2021
Mother’s Day/Music Sunday
Luke 10:38-42
John 15:9-17
Some of you may have read the best-selling books by Gary Chapman detailing what he’s identified as five “Love Languages.” The premise is that, while there are many different ways that we communicate that we love someone, they can be broken down into five broad categories, or “languages”. Furthermore, we tend to prefer one particular “language” as we convey our love for another, and as we receive the message that we are loved.
The five fundamental “languages” of love, Chapman suggests, are: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Gift-Giving, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Any and all of these convey our love and appreciation for the other. But Chapman hypothesizes that in giving and receiving messages of love, some of us will prefer to hear supportive and encouraging words; others will prefer to have their loved one do helpful tasks; some like to receive material presents that convey their beloved was thinking about them; others feel most cherished when the effort is made to spend meaningful time together; and, still others simply need to feel physical closeness, hugs and kisses, in order to feel assured that they are loved. Conflict and hurt feelings often occur in relationships when there’s not a recognition that one or the other is speaking a different “love language.”
Although I might not boil things down quite the same way as Gary Chapman does, I can see his points. I think there’s even some truth in what he’s saying. But I would suggest that there’s a behavior that cuts across all of the different love languages, and is in fact crucial to the effectiveness of each one.
Listen.
Without listening—without being attentive and curious about what your loved one is trying to express about who they are, what they’re about, and what they need in this world—if you speak any or all of the love languages fluently but don’t actually listen to your beloved, all your words and actions will be hollow and not very effective.
As Martha learned from Jesus, despite what we might be taught by our culture about how our busyness demonstrates our righteousness, Mary was actually demonstrating the more appropriate, and arguably more important, virtue in that moment by sitting still and listening. By simply being in the presence of God, attuning herself to the words of wisdom, encouragement, and direction being offered to her.
Martha, on the other hand, was dutifully doing what she’d been taught was what virtuous women do by being a consummate hostess—and although it had been instilled in her that this is what she should be doing in order to demonstrate care and love, and to feel fulfilled, happy, and loved, she definitely wasn’t.
Mary wasn’t busy scurrying around proving her love for God or for Jesus. She was, however, certainly demonstrating her love for God, and for Jesus, as she sat at his feet and listened attentively to what the Lord was saying. And her listening no doubt resulted in later acts of compassion and service to others—because God’s voice consistently directs us not only to think of ourselves and those closest to us as we focus on our devotional life, but also to tend to the needs of the neighbor, even when that neighbor is a stranger.
Luke tells us that Martha was “distracted by her many tasks”. She was feeling overwhelmed with worry about what others might think about her; that they might think she was a bad hostess, a poor care-giver, and therefore somehow an inadequate or bad person. But she was only one person, and she couldn’t possibly handle all the tasks that needed doing—it was all these thoughts driving her to frustrated distraction that compelled Martha to interrupt Jesus, asking him to tell her sister to get up and help her.
Jesus doesn’t get angry with Martha. Nor does he rebuke Mary. He listens to Martha. Martha may not have agreed that he’d listened to her in that moment, because he didn’t do what she asked. He didn’t tell Mary that she needed to help her sister. But just because we don’t get what we want doesn’t mean we haven’t been truly listened to or heard.
We know that Jesus truly listened to Martha because he says to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things.” He didn’t just listen to her words, he also listened to her spirit; he was attentive to her being in the world. And he helped her to see herself, maybe even to actually hear herself, as he pointed out what her spirit was saying. She was worried and driven to distraction, while Mary had paid attention to the desires of her heart, and chose the better part of being in that moment. So, Mary was able to experience peace and wholeness in that moment, while her sister was only frustrated and unfulfilled.
Like a mother who drops everything in order to listen attentively when her child has a story to tell, confident that there will be time to finish later whatever task has been occupying her, Mary’s attentiveness to the needs (both her own spiritual needs, and Jesus’ need to teach) was in itself an act of service to God.
She had chosen to listen and learn from the Master; and her act of listening participated crucially in the development of her Holy Habit of Service. We cannot serve God effectively if we are not taking time to listen to what God is trying to teach us, or in which direction God is attempting to guide us. It’s all too easy to be like Martha, busily doing what we think we’re supposed to do, worriedly scurrying here and there in response to the chattering voice of duty imposed by forces and values not always in line with God’s own intentions.
It’s in moments like these that the gift of music can be a helpful medicine and assistant, as we train ourselves to pay attention to the different layers and nuances of a musical piece—not only for any words that have meaning, but also for the mood, and the waves, and the mysterious ways that musical sound communicates deeper truths about the universe, and love, and being alive in this world. And life itself, with its myriad relationships and overlapping parts and different voices, is arguably like a symphony or other glorious musical artwork.
In John’s gospel, we read that Jesus invited his disciples to love others in the same way as he had loved them—which, in turn, was the same way his Abba, Father/Mother God, had loved him. “Abide in my love,” Jesus said. What do you suppose it means to abide in divine love? The King James Version uses the word “continue in my love”; and The Message translation says, “Make yourselves at home in my love.” And continues, “If you keep my commands, you’ll remain intimately at home in my love. That’s what I’ve done—kept my Father’s commands and made myself at home in his love.”
When asked by religious authorities what the most important commandments were, Jesus responded, “Love God, and love your neighbor as yourself. All of the laws and prophetic teachings stem from these two rules or commands.” He also told the disciples, just after he had stooped to wash their feet as if he was a servant, “So if I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have set you an example, that you also should do as I have done to you.”[1] In other words, love each other by serving one another. Not by acting servile or subservient, but by honoring one another with love by doing uncomfortable or awkward things that you know need doing because you’ve been paying attention; because you’ve been listening to the needs of the other and of the moment.
I think for a lot of us, it’s easier to love God than it is for us to love our neighbor, by which Jesus meant treating their life and security and happiness with the same regard and concern as we hold for ourself. And yet, Jesus knew that the only way we’ll maximally experience and understand divine love is by demonstrating self-sacrificing love. . . love that’s willing to put life itself on the line. “No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”[2]In order to get to that sort of courage and selflessness, an individual (and/or an entire congregation!) has got to tune in, be attentive, listen carefully: both to God’s voice in our life, and to the life or lives of others—their needs and desires.
So, regardless of what your love language might be and how fluent you may be in it, we cannot effectively serve or love others without listening. It is by attentively listening to the voice of God, and to the voice of the “other”, that we begin to understand what’s important; that we come to a deeper understanding of what is true and real; that we comprehend the depth, and height, and breadth of divine love; and that we’re able to practice sharing from our understanding and experience of it with others.
Beloved of God whose love for us is as steadfast and strong and tender as the most gracious Mother; you who have heard glimmers of the grandeur and glory of God in music; you who would love and serve God as you have been loved and served by God: Listen. Amen.
[1] John 13:14-15
[2] John 15:13